OM.

I'm switching sides

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 21:52:00 -0500

I should be studying for my last final for tomorrow, but what I’m reading has got me feeling.

I don’t think it’s accurate to generalize and think that the world is going down the drain or getting more and more “evil” just like you can’t label anyone to be an evil person as if this person expresses nothing but malicious intent. The “world” consists of the human population being as a whole so the parts that make it seem like things are going downhill are our overall reactions to the negative effects of people’s actions.

But there are things that are improving. Look at the social conditions in the US just 50 years ago for example. There were laws that allowed segregation by race.. only 50 years ago. Now look how things have changed since then. Things are still not right, but things have gotten better.

I’m quite familiar with the view that the world is steadily getting worse and that it’s pretty much a lost cause to try to fix things - and this rot will continue until or will lead to the end of the world. I once accepted this as truth and found some sort of comfort to to turn a blind eye - to just accept that the world is not perfect and can be very ugly but be thankful that I’m not in those situations.

The point I want to make is that, the people who accept the negative conditions of the world and don’t do anything to improve them, are not the ones who bring positive change. They don’t have to be great changes but we all have the ability to ease the rot(s). I was inspired by my friend who is studying and preparing to change the world. haha

I no longer want to “do good” because it make me feel like I did something out of the ordinary and that there is a personal set level/amount, a goal that I am working toward, or a criteria of the number of good deeds that must be met. What is this goal that I’m trying to meet? I think it’s really a way to consider myself a good person - to make me feel like a good person but really to make me feel like I’m better and more righteous than those around me. And to feel good when others consider me a good person, it contradicts what I was saying that a person can neither be evil or good, as I just accepted his judgment that I am Goodness.

I recently planned out the possibilities of what I’ll do with my life:
1. become a famous musician, make money, live a mild rockstar life but stay humble, donate some money or do some charity work to balance out the rockstar lifestyle or

2. (plan b) Get my nursing degree, work for ~10 years, pay off my loans, save up, buy a house with some land in a warmer place like Cali, work part-time in a local clinic/hospital and farm part-time.

I was never really satisfied with either life option as the first one is unlikely and the second one will get lonely. So, my new plan is to stick with the second option but dedicate some time to volunteer, in another country or in the US. I still have my hopes in a music career, but seriously..

My plans change with my mood. I’m writing this in my current inspiration that will probably settle soon but I just hope I don’t change my plans for a selfish reason.

There’s a lot of somewhat related things that I’ll let you connect for me. There are so many things that get me anxious and thinking that horrible things are not unlikely to happen to me. Reading my Chinese history textbook, on every other page, a few hundred people are massacred or tortured for whatever reason. In the news, people are getting blown up by bombs and bullets, drowning in floods, or losing limbs in accidents, terrible things. I try to make the effort to appreciate that I exist in this time period and in this country and that I still have all my parts intact but being thankful isn’t enough.

..I lost my train of thought but it something like: Unfortunate things will happen to us or to people around us and to people not around us. What we currently have is not up to us whether we get to keep them. We’re all equally vulnerable and to keep positive things to ourselves doesn’t really benefit ourselves. Did that make any sense?

I don’t want to waste anymore mental energy on this and need to get back to studying. I want to thank the people who have cared for me and taken me up as a problem to address, my parents, sis, and friends. I’m sorry for the times and the extended periods of time that I am moody and unresponsive. Sorry to my family for making them worry about me. I was being a drain to your love and care while not giving anything back. Understand that I do appreciate and love you although I won’t say it or show it.

A Tribe Called Quest - Stressed Out (feat. Faith Evans)

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 13:41:28 -0500

A Tribe Called Quest - Stressed Out (feat. Faith Evans)

California sounds like a lovely place

Sun, 20 Dec 2009 02:01:12 -0500

maybe I’ll go there for nursing school.

Steve Gadd’s 50 ways good drummers are the coolest.

Sat, 19 Dec 2009 20:23:00 -0500

Steve Gadd’s 50 ways

good drummers are the coolest.

I finished 3 of 4 finals in the last 2 days

Fri, 18 Dec 2009 16:17:00 -0500

those were also the most difficult ones so today has been declared my recovery day from the past 4 exhausting ones. I went to bed at 11pm last night and woke up at 1:30 this afternoon. It feels kinda weird, it’s getting dark out already. I’m so very bored and feeling kinda allergic and dusty. I tried thinking of the things that I usually would not be able to do because of schoolwork but gave up trying to think..

so I’m going to watch Pokemon now.. yeaah.

U.S. Speed-skating oh, the things I would do if I had that kind...

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 11:49:00 -0500

U.S. Speed-skating

oh, the things I would do if I had that kind of money..

Diverse - Uprock produced by RJD2

Wed, 16 Dec 2009 00:15:46 -0500

Diverse - Uprock

produced by RJD2

Formspring

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 11:22:00 -0500

Formspring:

who doesn’t like anonymous messages? leave me one:
http://www.formspring.com/forms/?775198-N9643I1MfK

Thelonious Monk - Pannonica that’s his name, Thelonious...

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 11:15:03 -0500

Thelonious Monk - Pannonica

that’s his name, Thelonious Sphere Monk.

I don't pick up 617 area code numbers

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 11:08:52 -0500

there’s no one here I want to talk to.

Although I can't promise myself this

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 12:04:00 -0500

I would like to one day own my own porch overlooking the quiet and rock out on a rocking chair, in a place where it never gets colder than 50 F.

making a good beat is like being at the right place at the right time

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 00:39:00 -0500

I did happen to catch a fat one today but I wonder how many I have missed.

(via hippopotamoggles) cat’s don’t care.

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 23:52:00 -0500

(via hippopotamoggles)

cat’s don’t care.

This one Saturday evening when I was in 6th grade,

Thu, 10 Dec 2009 20:00:00 -0500

the family got Taco Bell for dinner and we were all eating in the kitchen. I don’t remember how it came up but I told them about the Pokemon episode I saw that morning. It was that episode where Meowth tells his story of how he learned to talk and walk like a human and fell in love with Meowthy and how it didn’t go down.

I don’t remember how it happened but I started crying while telling Ma, Pa, and sis the plot of the story. Yeah, that was pretty pathetic and I felt pathetic even then at that moment but the tears just rolled. And I never cried from movies, moreover an episode of Pokemon so there must have been something that struck a chord so I’m sympathetic to myself and I don’t take that back… although it was pretty pathetic.

found it on youtube:
Go West Young Meowth (aired October 9, 1999)

part 1

part 2

part 3